These last 6 weeks, all of the attention has been on Genevieve, and rightfully so. I go to work next week and I am soaking in these moments with her! But, even then, when all of the attention is on this angel, I cannot forget what it has taken to get us to this place–to have this miracle in our arms.
Yesterday, April 23, was 3 years from my mastectomy surgery. April 23rd is a date that will NEVER leave my mind. From the beginning of my treatment, this date was thrown out when we discussed possible surgery dates. Well, as you know me by now, you know that date was what I had my mind set on. “Let’s just get to April 23rd, let’s just get to April 23rd….”
I was scared of this surgery. But most of all I was ready. I had been through my treatment and was ready to have this next step done. Because I had my chemotherapy before my surgery, I had time to grieve my breasts and think about what all that meant.
Josh and I as a couple had time to get okay with it, but that does not meant that it took the pain, shock, and loss away.
I remember waking up from my surgery and being so, so, so hot. The pain hadn’t really kicked in yet, until that night, but I was so hot. My family and friends were amazing who came for my surgery, and the prayers of many got me through that day. I was able to come home the day after my mastectomy, which was a HUGE answered prayer. Here are a few posts, bringing us back to that day:
Josh Posts during my mastectomy
An update 7 hours after my mastectomy
I was so unsure of what it all would be like. But God gave me a peace that surpassed all understanding. Josh reassured me that I was still beautiful and God kept giving me a perspective of that this was just one more step to being completely and totally healed.
Now, April 23rd is a celebration. A day to remember what all God has done. To think about how far he has brought me in 3 years… I literally could write pages and pages about this!
I was in a lot of pain for a long time, and I just prayed that God would give me painless days. Days that were boring. Where I wasn’t having to bandage something, or clean drains, or think about positioning myself a certain way—just being normal. I craved normalcy.
So, to fast forward three years later, with Genevieve here at my house, having a “boring, normal” day—it’s more than I can describe. God is so good and He really does work all things together for our good. He does.
Lymphedema and Late Night Feedings
So, you’re probably wondering, what in the world do lymphedema and late night feedings have in common?
Well, for me, it has been intentional time to slow down, think, and pray.
Last year around this time, my left arm started swelling. I was extremely devastated, as I thought I would avoid this, but it was clear it was happening.
For my new readers, lymphedema is something that happens when lymph nodes are removed. Lymph nodes filter fluid through your body, so sometimes when they are removed, fluid can collect in certain parts of your body.
I had 19 lymph nodes removed, 17 out of my left arm, so now fluid can collect there. I had no issues until last May.
This led to lots of physical therapy appointments, arm wraps, massages, etc… to see if my arm swelling would subside. While it hasn’t gotten worse, it hasn’t gotten a ton better either. BUT, my physical therapist was able to put me in touch with a company who makes a compression pump.
This compression pump is a machine that attaches to my arm and basically attempts to push the fluid to other parts of my body. It does help temporarily, and is something that therapists and doctors suggest to do each day. It takes an hour! Since I’ve had G, I’ve only done the 36 minute treatment, but I should be doing the full hour (hoping to find that time!).
How does a full hour of sitting attached to a machine, where you can’t get up to do anything happen with a 6 week old? Well, not too good! I’ve been attempting to do it at night when Josh is home, but even then, I want to cuddle with Josh or get things done.
But, why am I telling you this? Not to complain, but to share how it has made me sit and think. It has made me rest, even if I’m not sleeping. It reminds me of my cancer.
Of those days and nights I prayed and begged God to heal me. I would say, “I don’t care if I look deformed. I don’t care if I have to take medication forever. I don’t care if I am in pain. I just want to be healed.”
First off, why did I say that? Let’s just say I don’t pray like that any more.
But, needless to say, dealing with lymphedema is nothing compared to cancer.
So, I am thankful.
Does that mean I don’t pray for healing from it? No. Actually I pray for it to go away every.single.day.
But I have to put things into perspective.
This quiet time I have had with my compression pump and lymphedema definitely reminds me each day of my cancer healing journey and makes me slow down and pray.
Ironically, my baby girl and her late night feedings do the same thing for me.
Vievey is a slow eater.
Yes, sometimes this can get frustrating when I am in a hurry, but it does allow lots of time to admire her and talk to her.
I pray for her. I speak life over her. I tell her how much Jesus loves her. And how much I love her.
And rocking her also reminds me of cancer, much like my lymphedema.
How Satan tried to steal my life and motherhood from me.
And now, how God, worked everything together for my good.
Yes, He worked CANCER for my good.
I may be delirious at times when I wake up to feed her.
I may be frustrated at her slow eating.
I may have a minor wrestling match with her in the middle of the night changing her diaper.
But, ALL IS WELL.
I am healed. I am whole.
Satan is and was defeated and I get to have a front row seat of watching God work miracles over and over again in my life.
I am humbled.
I am thankful.
Maybe, I can’t yet say I’m thankful for lymphedema just yet, but late night feedings?
Without a doubt, yes.
I can’t even begin to imagine what all the Lord will continue to teach me through this miracle baby. Gosh, I love her so much.
Here is a picture after my mastectomy, and then today with this miracle baby in my arms.