YALL!!! Being a mom is AMAZING. Really, it is better than anything I ever expected it to be. Cue: sappy music:)
But seriously.
We are so in love with Genevieve. Josh and I will just look at each other and silently (and sometimes not so silently) give each other a look like, how could you love anything more?!
Yesterday, Josh just stared at her and said, “She is so awesome.”
She really is. We aren’t biased at all.
People have asked us how we are feeling. They have asked if we are exhausted.
And the answer is yes.
Thankfully, she has been a good sleeper at night, so we have been getting some sleep and our physical exhaustion is dying down. But now that we are almost 4 weeks from G’s birth, we can evaluate our emotions a little bit more and the reality of all that has happened in these 4 weeks.
When we go into “crisis mode”, we are running on adrenaline and God’s grace! We are still running on God’s grace (thank you Jesus!), but the adrenaline eventually fades and the exhaustion sets in.
Truth be told, we are recovering more emotionally than anything else.
Our hearts and emotions were put through the ringer, and now that we have her, it isn’t like everything goes back to normal. We are still working out the kinks.
But I am pleased and overjoyed to say, we are feeling more like ourselves, and we are recovering.
We are Josh and Aly, and we are recovering “adoptionholics.”
All it takes is a single thought back to those 5 days, and I get sick to my stomach. We are not far enough away from it for it not to affect us so strongly.
I wonder if that will ever be? I’m sure it will, but it is still too fresh to not feel all the painful emotions flooding back thinking we would walk away with empty arms.
When I catch myself re-living those moments and the numbness that had overtaken me during it all (paired with anger, fear, frustration, sadness, depression, every emotion under the sun!), I then relive the moment where she was ours.
I talk about this in my book.
Well, not the part about Genevieve becoming ours (another book will be in the making:)), but how when we, and when you face incredible pain, we are afforded the opportunity to experience joy on a level few ever experience.
The joy we felt when she was officially ours.
When the papers were signed.
When our birth mom said, “Congratulations, Mom.”
How can I ever describe those emotions?
From absolute devastation to elation on a level that can never be put into words.
As we have described, once she was ours, we then told our parents (still waiting on that video to show all of you!). Then, our room was flooded with every nurse on the floor in tears.
My hospital room phone was ringing off the hook with nurses calling to tell me congratulations. I was trying to have a conversation with our attorney, and we kept being interrupted by phone calls congratulating me. You could tell he was caught off-guard by all of this, and he just smiled and relished in our joy.
Joy unspeakable. But that unspeakable joy was prefaced with unbelievable, indescribable heartache.
Please, please, please see my story and never stop believing!!!
No matter how hopeless a situation seems, there is ALWAYS hope.
Here are a few pictures of after telling our parents the news, leaving the hospital as well as a pic of one the nurses that literally carried us and prayed us through those 5 undesirably painful and confusing days.
Genevieve is 4 weeks old tomorrow. I promise to post soon and tell you all about her personality and life as a new mom!
I can’t wait to share our newborn photos with you! We plan to post those on Friday:)