I Wasn’t Made to Be a Mother- Part 2

It is funny that I wrote a post all about this even before I had kids, but now, being a mom of 3, it hits me more than ever.

Here is my original post I wrote 2 years ago:

I Wasn’t Made to Be a Mother

Ever since I was a little girl, I have dreamed of being a wife and a mom. I never had huge career goals or aspirations of being the president (although I might be the better option right now (not because I’m great but because of our options…), just saying…;) or someone in a high position, as many kids do. What I dreamed of was having a family.

I never was someone who always wanted to babysit. I loved kids, and I loved volunteering with kids at church, but I wasn’t a baby magnet.

I am that person who loves kids, but I am not one who wants to be around kids all day. My kids? Yes. My nieces and nephews? Yes. My close friend’s kids? Yes. But just random kids? Not so much.

That just sounds horrible to say, doesn’t it? But I think it is important to say, because just because I have wanted to be a mom from when I was little doesn’t mean that I was baby obsessed- it just means it was something I was really looking forward to in life.

I was looking forward to my kids…being a mom…being an aunt…

Even when Josh and I got married, we weren’t in a rush to grow our family. We really wanted to have a good bit of time as a married couple before we added kids to the mix. We both loved kids, but we weren’t just dying to have them.

I was in no rush to be a mom, nor did I feel like it would complete me. At times I thought that, but knew in my heart that wasn’t the case. I am thankful I wasn’t in a rush to be a mom because we had amazing times with just the two of us…

I didn’t feel like my identity was in motherhood, and I still don’t feel that way. Although motherhood is one of the greatest blessings of my life.

I think because much of our story has to do with me becoming a mom, many may think that I obsessed over becoming a mom or that it was something I find much of my identity in, and that is NOT the case. Before many of you gasp, hear me out, please. I think it is something that we as women should all listen to and learn from.

We decided to try and grow our family 2 months before I was diagnosed with cancer. We prayed and felt like the timing was right to attempt to add a little one to the mix. I thought it would happen immediately, and it didn’t. One evening, I was convincing myself that I was pregnant. I read online that one of the first symptoms of pregnancy was your breasts being sore, and so I examined them in the shower, convincing myself they were sore and that I was pregnant.

Instead, I discovered a breast lump, and learned I had breast cancer. My desire to be a mom led to saving my life.

From thinking I was pregnant to learning I had breast cancer…Just the news you would think you would get as a 24 year old, right?

Then we were told we did not have time to preserve my fertility because my cancer was too aggressive—my motherhood and life was at stake, and as scary as that was, and as badly as I hoped to be a mother one day, it did not define me. We believed God would protect my womb, but my identity did not lie in having a baby.

Then we were told I could not have a child with my DNA by a fertility specialist. We adopted our first born, and we were immediately head over heels!

Choosing to adopt a baby was not because there was this hole in me or this hole in Josh. We both felt like God wanted us to be parents. Yes, we of course would reap the benefits of that, but we want to raise this next generation for Christ…not so that we can be a mom or a dad.

**Disclaimer: Yes, at one time motherhood became an idol to me. When we were attempting pregnancy, I struggled lots with jealousy, feeling ill-equipped as a woman, wondering if God wanted me to be a mom, scared that I would screw up little lives and maybe that is why God wasn’t giving me children, etc… My book “How Cancer Made Me a Mommy” talks ALL about that. So, please know that there have been seasons of my life where being a wife and being a mom were my identity, and that is why I am writing a post like this. To remind you and remind me that it is NOT our purpose for living.**

One of my favorite things in this world is being called my children’s mother. But that is not WHO I AM.

Being a mother describes me, but that is not me.

I then was able to birth a baby, and yes, I felt elated and fulfilled in a very similar way as I did Genevieve, but once again, motherhood did not complete me.

We then adopted our third baby, and wow, was it amazing to be a mom to this little one too—Truly incredible.

Truly, motherhood is an incredible thing. It is extremely fulfilling and worth every bit of pain, tears, frustration, spit up, poop, love, adoration, joy—what an incredible ride!!!

But, this thing called motherhood is not for me to feel fulfilled. Yes, it often does that. But being a mother is not to fulfill me. And me becoming a mom was never about me. Yes, it fulfills me in many ways, but that was never its’ sole purpose.

I am so much more than a mother.

I am so much more than a wife.

I am a child of the most high God. HOW INCREDIBLE IS THAT?!?

Before my calling of being a wife, before my calling of being a mom, before my calling of being a therapist, speaker, writer, etc… I am called to be His. A child of God!

I wasn’t made to be a mom.

I was made to be a child. I am God’s child.

I want to serve, honor, and glorify Jesus all the days of my life. That is where I find my purpose. That is where I find my joy.

I am all about self-care for mom and wives. It is HARD work. And it is amazing work!

I love to read, exercise, visit with friends, shop, have bible studies, talk about nothingness, and talk about serious things—I think it is essential for moms to find things they enjoy outside of being a mom.

But not just because we need “time away” or “downtime”, but because we need to be reminded of our first calling. And it is good to remind ourselves we are more than a mom. Being “just a mom” is one of the most incredible titles in life!

I hope you hear my heart—I am not saying being a mom isn’t amazing, that it isn’t a calling, or that it isn’t worth being what you “do.” I’m just saying we are more.

Can you tell I am preaching to myself, with 3 under 1 1/2? All in diapers? All sleeping at the moment— can I get an AMEN, HALLELUJAH?!?!

What incredible blessings these little ones are! But they do not complete me. Jesus Christ does, and my main goal as their mommy is to show them that and cultivate that heart in them.

I wasn’t meant to be a mom. Thank you Lord for making me one.

Meant to be His child,

Aly