A few weeks ago, I had an oncology check up with my radiation oncologist. Even though this doctor is not my main oncologist, he is the one who orders the only tests that are routine for me.
So many people ask me about scans and how often I have them. My doctor does not order scans of any kind unless there is an ailment. Soooo, it has been a complete journey of trust, as I don’t get confirmation every year with a full body scan, as many cancer survivors do.
My radiation oncologist likes me to get X-rays, blood work, and sometimes ultrasounds to make sure everything looks good to his eye. So, I am typically more nervous to see my radiation doctor, as he isn’t just physically examining me, but he is looking at tests, blood work, and reading scans.
I got blood work done, and they got my vein the first time! They informed me that they would have to take several vials of blood because of a research study I signed up for—ha ha. Oh Aly, will you learn? Why do you sign up for research studies that require TONS of blood draws! Sometimes I just laugh at myself and I clearly don’t think:)
So, there I was–the girl with the small veins that take forever to fill the vials-all the nurses helping me to get all these vials filled. But on the other hand, I can’t imagine not doing something to help others.
I believe in that research hospital, and offering to complete studies is the least I can do! But it was quite humorous.
I know I’ve said this before, but each check up I am just reminded how my life, how your life, how our lives can change in an instant.
In a phone call.
In a doctor’s visit.
In an instant.
I learned of my dad’s car accident in a phone call. I learned of my cancer diagnosis in a phone call. I learned of my decreased fertility in a doctor’s visit. I learned of our failed IVF over the phone. Our birth mother told me she was going to keep our daughter in one face-to-face chat.
My point is- everything, literally EVERYTHING outside of Jesus Christ can change in an instant.
As Josh and I were waiting in that doctor’s office to hear my results from my tests, my heart rate was out of control. I trusted God and was just trying to not read into anything. I heard people walking by my door. I heard people taking papers off of my door and reading them. These are those little things that I can read into and allow fear to enter in.
Finally, an intern walked in and he introduces himself. NOTE to doctors and nurses—when someone is waiting on results, tell them the results right off. They won’t listen to anything you say until you tell those results!
He was very nice, but did small talk before saying that they were still waiting on the X ray results, but the blood work looked good- PRAISE GOD!
Then, Dr. Strom (my radiation oncologist) walked in, who is literally the sweetest person ever. He is so kind and has the best bedside manner. He looks at me in the eye when he talks to me and is super affectionate. He makes me feel so loved and valued.
He immediately came in and said that my Xray looked good- Thank you Dr. Strom!
He then just wanted to talk about Genevieve the.whole.time. And of course I don’t mind talking about her. She is one of my favorite topics of conversation:)
So, after he examines me, he looks at me, with his hands on my arms and once again says, “You are well.” The tears were instantaneous and there was no holding them back.
I told him that I can never hear those words enough. They mean more than ever. Dr. Strom began crying. Josh started crying, and then the intern was getting teared up too!
He then “graduated” me and said that since I was still seeing two of my other oncologists, that there is no reason to see him anymore.
Another security blanket taken away. I know its a good thing, but it is always bittersweet.
This was a visit that truly felt like a celebration. Josh was so supportive and it was just so reassuring to hear, once again, that I am well. Because it is an emotional roller coaster for Josh too, sometimes I haven’t felt as comforted as I wish I would. I talk about this a lot in our next book, Aly’s fight in much more detail about some struggles we have had with doctor’s visits- during treatment, and even now.
BUT, things are getting much better- Praise Jesus. Unfortunately there is no manual on how to support your spouse at doctor’s visits, nor how a cancer survivor should support his/her spouse at visits. It can be tough.
But, here’s the point of this post.
Something hit me this particular check up and rang more true than ever.
I am MORE than well. IT is well. IT is well with me. My soul is at rest.
That doesn’t mean I always feel at rest. But it means that at the deepest part of me, I am at rest. I trust the Lord more than ever before. No matter what, it is well.
Whether you are going through an illness, it is well. Jesus promises healing–in many different forms.
You may be facing financial difficulties–Jesus promises to meet our needs.
You may be facing insecurities–Jesus tells us we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
You may be facing heartbreak–Jesus promises restoration.
You may be facing depression–Jesus promises joy.
Basically, what I am trying to say is that Jesus makes all things new.
He makes us WELL!
We just have to trust Him and know that it is well. He is working all things together for our good. The sooner we accept that instead of trying to get out of our current trial, we can embrace where we are and truly be able to say: It is well!
And really mean it.
“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” Romans 8:28
Enjoy this song. Blows me away every time.