How to Not Be Easily Offended

A word has kept coming to my head in the past few weeks.

That word is critical.

I’ve been thinking how critical people are in the world we live in today.

And I am determined to be so far from critical, as well as being as close to unoffendable (is that a word???) as possible!

As a therapist, I hear from people all of the time who are really hurting.

Most of the hurt has come from trauma, pain, or an offense they just can’t seem to overcome.

For most clients, they have tremendous hurt that needs to be addressed with the person who caused that hurt, but many times, I help clients work through not being so “offended”, as we live in a world of imperfect people who hurt us.

They offend us.

We can’t control others.

We can (with the help of the Holy Spirit) control ourselves.

What I am about to say will not be popular in the counseling realm, but it truly is what I believe pairing my studies, personal experience, client contact, personal revelation, and scripture over the years.

A typical counselor would almost always suggest the client seek the offender out and have a healthy conversation to seek healing from an offense they were struggling to overcome.

Here is what I have come to learn as a human being and a therapist:

Being offended has a lot to do with us. 

Ouch.

Before you get mad (and probably offended 🙂 ) at me, know that I know there are times where the person who offended someone was completely wrong and YES- it absolutely needs to be addressed.

But man, we live in a world where people just get offended over every.little.thing.

I was listening to Joyce Meyer this morning.

For those of you who don’t know who she is…she is a Christian speaker and author who is hilarious and speaks such truth very bluntly and plainly.

Joyce Meyer is my girl!

I was listening to her this morning, and she was saying that she used to spend all of her days judging people and being critical of other people.

She wasn’t really aware that she did this, until she really started thinking about what she was thinking about.

She would love to go to the mall and people-watch.

But what she was really doing was judging people.

“What is that good looking guy doing with that girl?”

“Gosh, that shirt is too tight on her!”

“Man, does everyone live on their phones?”

“Look at all the bags she has- she must have a shopping problem!”

Those are all simple and some funny, harmless examples, but we really can be so critical.

And we can be so easily offended.

We go somewhere and someone doesn’t talk to us. Then, that makes us get in the car on the way home and talk to our spouse, friend or parents about how that person didn’t talk to us. Our spouse, friend or parent then begins to talk about that person too. The rest of the night, if we let it, can be spent being upset and talking about this person.

Let’s just say this is not a way I want to spend my days!

THAT IS WASTING LIFE!!!

Okay, I may not be giving the best examples, but we can just get offended about everything.

One solution that most people give is approaching the people who offend you and talking to them about it.

Yes, that can be helpful, and often times people are open to discussing it.

Many times, those conversations can be healing.

More often than not, when someone approaches someone about something that offended them, it causes distance and hurt in a relationship, even if hearts and minds are open to change, repentance and forgiveness.

So what do I think is the solution?

What’s the solution from someone that gets tired about conversations in which people have been offended?

What’s the solution from someone who is a therapist and makes much of her living off of people being offended and hurt by others?

What’s the solution from someone who is determined for my conversations not revolving around offense and teaching my kids to not be easily offended?

Here it is:

Giving Grace.

Overlooking Wrongs.

Loving, loving, loving and loving some more.

Even when you have to keep doing it and the other person isn’t giving any at all.

You must trust that the Holy Spirit will deal with that person.

You don’t have to be THE person to point out an offense.

Obviously, there are exceptions- there are definitely times things needs to be brought up, and for true healing to occur, hard conversations have to happen— I am not saying that at all for traumatic pain.

I am just saying that I have just seen more and more of our generation being so critical and easily offended, that it can drain me, and I know it must be so draining for people who always stay offended.

What would our world look like if we just chose to not be easily offended?

Yes, it’s okay if you are sensitive, but did you know you have control over your thoughts?

Don’t just wait to see what happens to pop in your head!!! That is scary!

Think on purpose.

When you have an offended thought cross your mind, think upon something good. Think of something kind you can do. Have compassion. Choose compassion and kindness.

Ask God to give you empathy for that person who offended you or hurt you— they probably have something they are dealing with that they need prayer and love from YOU!

Let’s look a little more inwardly, a lot less outwardly.

Let’s stop being so serious and being offended so easily.

Let’s laugh and smile more.

Let’s choose to love and give grace.

Man, you will be so much happier if you do this.

And guess what, you will be obeying scripture.

Proverbs 19:11 says:

“…it is to ones glory to overlook an offense.”

When we overlook wrongs, and choose to love anyway, we look a whole lot like Jesus.

Josh and I are cracking down on this in our house and have given each other the right to call the other out when we see the other being easily offended.

If it isn’t helpful, we aren’t going to talk about it!

It may sound extreme, but we determine for our house to be a place filled with love, kindness, and compassion- not judgment, offense, and hurt feelings all of the time.

We know that will be a struggle with having girls, but we are praying and asking God now to help guide them through all of the crazy emotions.

Thankfully, God gives us strength to still choose joy, empathy, and compassion in the middle of hurt feelings.

If you are really struggling with this concept, go with my go-tos:

“Kill them with kindness.” and “Fake it until you make it.”

Many times you have to act before you “feel” like doing anything. Often times the feelings come after the leap of faith.

Take the leap of faith of loving the unlovable and loving those who have offended you, and just watch how things change.

What a beautiful world it would be if we did this!

Striving to be “unoffendable”,

Aly