Dear Genevieve: You are the Biggest Sister

When I found out I was pregnant, I was ecstatic and surprised, but my first thought went to Genevieve. MY GENEVIEVE!

• Will I be able to give her the attention she needs?
• What will she think about being a big sister?
• How will she feel about having a sister who biologically does not share her DNA?
• Will she be jealous?
• And then the question all moms have, “How can I love another child(ren) as much as my first?!!!!!”

And let me just add that Genevieve is an angel on earth, and I just couldn’t wrap my mind around another baby being as wonderful as she was and is!

And then, we found out we were having another baby, this time by adoption. And this baby was coming to us through Genevieve’s birth mother. Once again, we were ecstatic and surprised.

The same worries again:

• How will this affect Genevieve?
• Will I be able to give her the attention she needs?
• What will she think about being a big sister to two?
• How will she feel about having a sister who biologically shares her DNA?
• Will she be jealous?
• And then the question of, “How can I love TWO as much as I love my Genevieve?”

The answer to all of those questions are complex, but trying to figure out those answers would leave me in a mom-created anxiety puddle, and that does no good for my girls or myself.

I have learned and am learning THIS over the last 2 months of having 2 new little ones plus my sweet G: God fills in the gaps. Sometimes it takes unknown and scary territory for God to truly step in where we need Him. Afterall, his strength is made perfect in weakness, and I have LOTS of weaknesses!!!

I like being in control. Especially when it comes to being a mom. I have my system. I have our kids on a schedule. I am a nap nazi. My house may not look like things are in control, but it is scheduled and controlled in my mind- I promise!!!

But for the answers to all of those questions I asked above, I have to lean on the only one who has those answers. Even Genevieve won’t have those answers until she is much older, and if she is anything like me, she may not even quite know how she feels. I sometimes struggle with putting my exact feelings to words.

But when I worry about her or worry about Vera or worry about Lydia and their futures— may I be drawn to my knees.

Because worrying accomplishes nothing unless it makes you pray.

And that is what I commit to do. I pray for the sweetest little heart I have ever known, with the best laugh on earth. So, here is a little letter to her at this stage in her life. One of my favorite things to be known as is Genevieve’s mom.

*Disclaimer: Yes, I know my child is not perfect, but I truly believe in speaking prophetically over your children. Because of that, I may seem like a braggadocios mom, but it is because I want my girls to truly be world changers and always know I think and believe those incredible things about my kids.*

Dear Genevieve,

You are one and a half, and you are the sunshine in my every day. Just today I was having a bad morning, but all of that changes when I see your sweet face. Your smirks, funny noises, and silly faces are simply the best.

You have made me so proud of how you are adjusting to your new big sister role. You bring me baby bottles, burp cloths, pacis, and anything else for the babies. You want to touch them all of the time, even if that means me making sure no eyes are poked or hair is pulled! You really love them so much. As they get older, I will tell them to watch you and be like you. I can’t imagine a better someone for them to emulate.

You are my baby. You will always be my baby (yes, cue Mariah Carey song…).

I see some of that little 6 pound 13 ounce baby when you hurt yourself, want to be held, or simply want me to rock you. I pray you always feel safe with Daddy and I, telling us your fears, victories, and just the same old things that don’t matter much.

You matter to me more than you could ever know. I care about your heart, and most importantly your soul. I want to know what God is showing you. What questions you have about him? What skepticism do you have? What faith you have? I want to hear it all. And I want to help you navigate and grow your relationship with Jesus Christ.

You already have such a soft and pliable heart, and I pray He uses that to make you compassionate, loving, serving, empathetic, kind…that your spirit is full of Jesus and that those fruits just overflow.

I will keep waking you up with your daddy in the middle of the night to hold you, rock you, pray over you, and kiss you until you ask me to stop, and then I’ll kiss you some more. I love your sweaty hair in the middle of the night and your snore as you cuddle up to me.

Most of all, I just want you to know how truly, madly, deeply (yes, cue other song) you are loved. By God. By Daddy. By Me. By your family…You are a treasure. An absolute gift.

You are a treasure from God, and I will work tirelessly ( and depend on God entirely) to do my best job at raising you into the woman God created you to be, because He has entrusted me with THE absolute best.

I love you, my sweet angel. Always and forever, you are madly loved.

Love,

Mommy