Day 5 In The Fight For Our Baby

No, we are not just trying to string you along with “Part 1.” But Monday, Day 5, March 16th, was a loooong day and I cannot write it all in one sitting, as one long blog post.

The beginning of this day started out with waiting. Surprise, surprise.

We were at the nursery first thing that morning and the tears flowing were non-stop. Nurses would stop me in the hallway to hug me. Ask us how we were doing. It was as if we were all preparing to say goodbye.

I didn’t care much anymore about seeming obsessive at the nursery. I wanted to spend as much time with her as I could get.

A friend sent me a song that morning and I cried, sung and prayed to it by myself in the hospital room. Once I was actually able to go see the baby, I brought my phone in there with me. I played the song on repeat, sung with it, and cried over her.

We knew that a decision would be made today of where this sweet girl would be placed. We also knew that the birth mom would be there first thing in the morning, as she wanted to be there when all of this was going to go down.

And of course, there was always this tiny bit of hope and faith hanging out there that she would come to the hospital, have a change of heart, and remember what we all felt peace about through this entire journey- that this little girl was a Taylor.

She would know and love her birth mother, but we would be her parents.

Josh and I took shifts all morning and then I received a text message from the birth grandma that they arrived at the hospital. Cue churning stomach. But also, we were so ready to know something, as this 5 day journey of waiting was taking its toll.

I was feeding her when they arrived to the hospital. Josh and I left the nursery so that she could have some time with the baby alone.

As we saw her that morning, the birth mom looked beautiful. She was dressed up, and you would never imagine that she just had a baby 5 days before.

As she and the birth grandma went in to see the baby, Josh and I just waited outside of the nursery. We couldn’t go any further than that. It was as if our feet were surrounded with concrete. We weren’t moving.

The social worker on the case had been alerted that the birth mom was at the hospital, so while they were in seeing the baby, she spoke to us the entire time explained the situation.

Even as horrendous as the waiting had been the last few days, we had been with her. We could see her when we wanted. We knew where she was.

I think I was in a fog during those conversations with the social worker. She was very sympathetic, but also very matter-of-fact that this is what was happening, and that we had no legal ties to the baby.

All the while, nurses are walking the halls. Their sweet smiles, hugs, and sympathetic glances were felt. And now, we know, they were praying for us nonstop.

Meanwhile. our parents were close by the hospital. We let them know that the birth mom had come up to the hospital around noon, and they were praying like crazy. And our family was praying. And our friends were praying. Our blog community was praying—I really believe there were tens of thousands of prayers going up for this sweet girl!

I was able to convey that to the birth mom that day. That there were so many people praying for her and this sweet baby.

There is so much information I am keeping private, because as I’ve said before, this is our daughter’s story to tell. So, thank you for understanding if everything doesn’t add up to you. Just know we are trying to tell our story with wisdom.

Okay, back to us talking with the social worker and waiting to talk with the birth mother. The birth grandma comes out (whom we love) and she tells us that the birth mom still isn’t sure what to do. She may just need more time.

We just couldn’t imagine that! Would we just continue to wait in Florida? Would we go home? We expressed our concerns to her, but you could tell she was firm in her opinion that the birth mother was not making a decision that day.

She suggested that I talk with the birth mom one on one.

We have had a connection from the very first day we met one another. I really loved her since the day I laid eyes on her. You know that unspoken connection to have with people? Maybe a friend you haven’t talked to in years, and then you see each other and pick up right where you left off?

Well, it is like that with her. We laughed the first time we met because we were talking so much and connecting, and she said, “Josh, you haven’t really said much, but I really like Aly.” ha ha…so you can only guess the jokes that have happened between her and Josh since our first meeting.

So, I took the birth grandma’s advice. I asked our birth mom if I could talk to her in our hospital room. Josh and the birth grandma went to the waiting room, while I took her in our hospital room. All the while, I am praying, “God give me wisdom. Oh, Lord, give me wisdom!”

I sit down in the hospital bed and she sits in the rocking chair and I ask her how she is feeling.

She explains that she is not doing well. She says, “I can’t do it. I can’t give her to y’all.”

I immediately start crying. I am telling myself to not burst into an ugly cry. I think I held it together okay, but tears were streaming the entire time.