A Father’s Day I Never Dreamed Of

Since our adoption of G, so many people have said they could not have done what we did in Florida when we adopted her.

The vulnerability.

The pain.

The risk.

Let me tell you point blank that most everyone would have done the same thing. You see a baby girl take her first breath. You then see how desperate this new precious life is to know a loving God.

We, as humans, can be the closest example she will have of what God is and can be to her.

Once you see that, the possibilities, both good and bad– then, yes…you would gladly sign up for what we went through.

It is why you see so many people lay their life or desires on the line for other people.

Aly and I have both said that if you wrote on paper what we would go through during cancer treatment and then the fight for parenthood we have experienced, we are not sure we would sign up.

Scratch that—we wouldn’t have signed up.

However, your ability to fight when you find yourself in a God intended war is so immense that I truly believe you cannot fathom it until you find yourself there.

God gives you a strength and resiliency that you never knew you could have if you saw the whole picture.

It is simply too daunting and too terrifying.

So you might ask, ‘What is it like to be a dad?”

Awesome.

Seriously.

The greatness of knowing there is a brown haired, blue eyed, soft skinned, yellow pooping, smiling, beautiful, milk drinking, diaper busting little girl that God gave Aly and I to parent has altered everything.

Everything for the good.

When I think of G in a few years playing t-ball, I see a brown haired short little girl that will be a machine.

When I think of G in a few years playing basketball, I think of the point guard that coaches would die for.

When I think of G at a dance recital, I see her being the shortest brown haired little girl in the group.

Let these things give you a brief glimpse and answer to the number one question or fear people have in adoption, “Will she look like you, be like you or will you think of her as yours?”

You see, chances are G will not be short, brown haired or the smallest in any group.

I will forever forecast her in my thoughts as I see Aly and I. We are made to see our child in our own image. That’s just humanity.

The thought correction I have to do is to remind myself that she may be better than us in some areas.

Better than I could have ever imagined, as I saw her in “Aly and my image.”

Taller, more blonde, and better altogether.

Who knows- she may not even like sports? (although it may be forced)

Something happened when that little girl took her first breath and then when that paper was signed where she officially became a Taylor that I believe you can’t manufacture.

Something supernatural.

Unexplainable.

People say you’ll feel it, and to be honest, I really didn’t think I would. Or could for that matter.

I believe God gave us (people) the capacity to love at levels we fail to ever reach in most cases, simply because we protect ourselves from as many forms of hurt as possible.

For us, when we have exposed ourself to the most hurt, the most pain–we experience and can give a love that is simply unexplainable.

So this Father’s Day will be a reminder that God chose to reach down, again, and give Aly and I the chance to experience life and love on another level.

At the beginning of this, I had questions about how adoption would feel.

I can tell you that on Sunday morning when I wake up, adoption will not be the word or feeling going through my brain as I go in and wake G up for her 7am feeding.

I will be looking forward to unzipping that thing she sleeps in only to watch her open her blue eyes, stretch those arms and look up.

I will be so happy that the first face she sees on her first Father’s Day will be mine.

Her daddy.

She is mine and I am hers.

I am not sure at times that I have the capacity to carry out what God has charged me with, but this Father’s Day I will continue to try my hardest to be the earthly version of God’s love to Genevieve Taylor.

I will be the first version of a Father’s love she will know.

May I always feel the weight and responsibility of that.

This Father’s day and fatherhood for that matter isn’t what I dreamed of at all.

It’s so much better.