Why I Over-The-Top Brag on my Kids

And why I think it's necessary

Have you ever been around a parent who thinks their kid can do no wrong?

It is so frustrating!

I know many times we are thinking, “Wake up! Your kid is not a perfect angel!”

I know teachers see this all of the time.

My husband used to be a basketball coach. All in all, he dealt with amazing parents that respected his authority and treatment of their kids.

However, sometimes, he was blown away at some of the parents who could never imagine that their child was disrespectful or should be punished for their misbehavior. He also dealt with parents who thought that their children should be starters on the basketball team, when it was clear that there were other players better than that particular child.

I can only imagine how difficult it must be to watch your child sit on the bench when they have practiced for hours upon hours, or to see your child miss out on opportunities because of misbehavior, especially when it is an activity they love.

I’m not necessary talking about those instances— I’m talking about parents who really believe their child can do no wrong.

I used to be a school counselor. I had to make many calls to parents about issues with their children, and often times those kids that were misbehaving–those parents would deny their child’s behavior or get offended that I was calling to talk to them about whatever it was that was going on.

Most of the parents I dealt with were understanding, but I would always get surprised at how some parents just couldn’t accept that their child was misbehaving or that something could be wrong.

It can be terribly hard to accept or realize.

Then, there are some parents who believe their child has a shot on the PGA tour when they can barely hit a golf ball!

Please know I am writing this believing my own kids can do anything—I promise I am getting to a point!

There is balance between believing your child can do anything and also lying to yourself and giving them unrealistic expectations.

One thing I appreciated (out of the endless) of Josh’s parents was their honesty in raising their boys. They were always very encouraging, but they were always honest with their boys about what they were good at and what they weren’t.

We have our strengths. We have our weaknesses. To act like our child doesn’t have weaknesses is setting them up for huge amounts of disappointment, but we also want to build them up, and that can be hard trying to find a balance– I get that!

Disclaimer—my oldest child is one year old, so I know I have no experience with this outside of a PhD in family therapy and seeing clients in a therapy room, so I am speaking from that limited perspective, but it is an educated perspective, nonetheless.

The kind of bragging that I am speaking of and encouraging you to brag on are the TRAITS in your child, NOT just the accomplishments.

Yes, I want to brag on Genevieve, Vera, and Lydia when they make good grades, when they play an instrument, excel at a sport, perform well in front of a crowd, win an award…

But the bragging I am referring to are the traits in my children.

I never, ever, ever want my children to doubt WHO they are—how I see them and how God sees them.

Yes, I am realistic. I know I have girls and girls often struggle with identity and confidence, but I will strive with all my might to tell them who they are—to me, to their daddy, and to Jesus!

I want my girls to hear me brag about their character and their God-given gifts and abilities way more than I do their job, their grade, their college, their singing performance…

Sure, I will brag on those accomplishments as well, but the bragging that is essential is of WHO they are.

Yes, I am obsessed with my kids.

Yes, I am sure I see them and will see them through rose-colored glasses.

That often happens as parents, and I think that perspective often can protect us from much, which could possibly be why God allows us to see through those lenses at times.

But, I know they aren’t perfect.

They are very, very flawed.

I will tell them when they mess up.

I will punish them (and do).

I will tell them when they aren’t good at something.

I will encourage them to go a different direction if I can tell they are not skilled in a particular task.

I won’t tell them to go on The Voice if they can’t hold a tune!

But I will tell them every good quality I see in them!

On those days they are struggling with identity, I want them to hear their mother’s voice.

I want them to hear me saying:

You are kind.

You are beautiful.

You are loving.

You are a mighty woman of God.

You are a world changer.

You are perfectly made.

You are a child of the most High God.

You have a purpose on this earth only you can fulfill.

You are desired.

You are chosen.

You are loved.

And I pray that voice (my voice, and their daddy’s voice) mirrors the Father’s voice.

I pray my voice leads them to the Father’s voice.

Lord, I pray your voice is louder and clearer than any voice my girls will ever hear. May they listen to TRUTH and fulfill all you have created them to be. In this world that tries to tear them down, I pray my words—your words—lift them up and bring light into their life.

So, yes, I over-the-top brag on my kids, and will continue to—but it is for them to never doubt how I feel about them.

To never doubt how God feels about them.

To never doubt WHO they are.

If I don’t tell them—if they don’t listen to me—if they don’t learn how to listen to God’s voice, then who will they listen to?

I don’t want it to be the world.

So, this momma will keep bragging.

My girls are insanely amazing.

From this braggodocious mommy,

 

Aly