Why Being A Millennial and Having A Blog is GREAT and NOT SO GREAT.

Yes, I just wrote the word millennial, and I feel like a total goob. Especially after all the talk about millennials and the election.

My sister is one of my favorite people on the planet. She and I can have the most serious of conversations and the most non-meaningful conversations, and I love every minute of it.

One day we were talking on the phone about the meaningful things in life. You know, like the TV shows Survivor, Biggest Loser, the Bachelor…you know, like I said, the serious things:)

We literally talked for 30 minutes about this season of survivor. If you haven’t watched it, the title of the season is Gen X vs. Millennials. It is self-explanatory, but initially the tribes were broken into those who fit in the millennial category (those born after 1982), and Generation X, as those born before 1982. Josh and I both fit into the Millennial category.

It has been interesting to watch and see the different ways of thought, the different ways the tribes communicate and work, and to watch the relationships form. As a family therapist and fan of a good competition show, I love shows like this. And lucky for me, my sister does too, so we get to comment after the episodes (they should really hire us as we break down the episodes). We are clearly gifted….

I hope you can sense my sarcasm 🙂 Even though it’s kind of true 😉

Anyway, one day we were talking about the episodes, and we got into a full-blown conversation on how differently our generation thinks compared to the generation right above us. There are clearly many wonderful things that our generation is doing and changing, but there are also things that we are doing and changing that aren’t so good in my opinion.

For instance, millennials don’t typically stay at one job for their entire life. Many millennials I know feel freedom to change jobs, try different things, travel, they typically value experiences over things, and do not believe that just being older makes you better at things, or even at some times wiser. I love that so many millennials are making changes in society and starting to look at things differently. I love seeing people think outside of the box and not just doing something because it is what they are expected to do! It is empowering to see millennials doing this!

There are also changes in my generation that aren’t so good. We have been labeled a generation that is lazy and entitled. Many of us can watch a youtube video and feel like an expert instead of hiring someone to help us with a skill or trade that they have. I have seen many people in this generation complain about work hours, hard labor, and having to stay at a place years before they move up the ladder. This generation HATES waiting.

And I get that- I DO TOO! But, because many of us don’t wait, we don’t see the payoff in waiting, and we don’t have to face responsibility for our actions.

This is not a political post. I repeat, not a political post.

Women can get pregnant and have abortions, and often times that is a way of them not having to have responsibility for what their decision produced. If they were to not abort a baby, they could either keep the baby or place the baby for adoption-both of those options are having to be responsible and deal with a consequence that just so happens to be the most amazing miracle. But because of abortion, women don’t have to face that responsibility. And of course as a therapist I see how badly it can effect women who make an abortion decision. They think they may be running from responsibility or making a wise decision, but it can be one of the most emotionally harmful things they can do.

People in our generation can build up credit card debt and not be responsible for money, as they can file bankruptcy and start over. I know bankruptcy can be a life saver for someone who has been a poor money manager or for someone who just can’t get out of a deep dark hole, and I am thankful for it! But people abuse it as well–they can see it as a way to not have to be responsible for their actions…

Obviously those are two examples that people have been taking advantage of long before 1982, but I feel like this generation can be worse at this—feeling entitled to all things good or easy without putting effort forth, or without thinking about the consequences. It can be a generation seemed to be highly selfish putting emphasis on rest and themselves and focusing internally without looking to help others.

And even here, I understand the importance of self-care. You have to take care of yourself before you can adequately help others, but it can go too far when you can be so focused on YOU!

Okay, I promise I am getting to a point!

Social media exacerbates this! I was just talking to one of my best friends, Katie this weekend and we were discussing how social media is one of the most amazing things, but can be one of the most threatening things to our society. We have the ability to be the most connected generation because of social media, yet it lets us hide behind computer screens and phones instead of having real interactions, and don’t get me started on cyber bullying…

We talked about Facebook, and twitter, instagram, and blogs.. We talked about what we think we will allow our kids to have or not have, knowing things will change dramatically as they grow.

This got me to thinking about my own blog.

As many of you know, I never wanted to have this blog. Josh surprised me with it just days after I was diagnosed. He was so proud of himself for getting on blogspot and creating a space for us to share my cancer journey with people. I remember being so angry with him when he showed me he had created it. It had already gotten lots of comments, and I was mortified.

One, I wasn’t quite ready to share with the world about my cancer diagnosis, and two, I did not want to continue sharing about my journey! I am by nature an “outgoing introvert”. I enjoy being around people, but at the time of my diagnosis, I only shared personal things with my close friends and close family. And even then, they would have to really ask me to find out what was going on with me. I kept a wall up. An unintentional wall, but a wall nonetheless.

The next day I talked to Josh again about the blog. I apologized for not having the reaction he would have liked or expected. I told him that he would have to do most of the updating and to check with me before he posted.

Well, here we are over 5 years later. He did lots of posting at the beginning, but look who is updating now! And who would ever now say that I am private?!? If you knew me 5 years ago, you would have said that, and even those who are close to me now would say that outside of my blog or them asking me questions.

Having this blog has done so much for me in my expression of feelings (which I sometimes have trouble putting into words), and getting passed the discomfort in sharing about my life. I realized it is entirely selfish to keep my life private when it can help other people, so having this blog has helped that selfishness be less—it’s okay if you see my ugly, as long as it glorifies
Jesus and helps you! It’s taken me a while to get there…

There is power in being vulnerable.

Okay, back to millennial talk—

Even though my blog has been a character builder for me and teaching me to be more public with my feelings and what God is doing in me, there have been tough parts about it.

Everyone knows so much about my life. And that is great, but I hadn’t really ever thought about that potentially hurting some relationships until one my sweet friends reached out to me this summer.

She said, “Aly I have to apologize. I realize that I never really ask what is going on with you because I just keep up with you through your blog. I ask other friends things about them, but because I know what’s going on with you, I don’t ask.”

My sweet friend said she was going to commit to checking up on me, as she knew I really didn’t post everything about my life on the blog, and even if I did (which I don’t), she realized that the point of us talking or checking in on each other isn’t really about catching up- but it’s showing each other we care.

Wow. I cried. That really meant the world to me. I quite honestly had never thought about my blog causing people to not have as close friendships with me because they didn’t feel a need to see how I was doing because they already knew!

The point of this is not to feel sorry for me. I have amazing friends and family that ask me questions and check on me way beyond my blog. My mother in law said the other day that she was thankful for the blog because it often gives her something to ask me about or allows her to hear parts of my heart that she wouldn’t otherwise hear over a Sunday lunch with family.

My point of sharing the negatives of having a blog that has documented my victory over cancer, struggle with a victory over infertility, miracle pregnancy, and miracle adoption stories—is that if social media through my story can create distance between people, imagine the distance created when people post things that just don’t matter much.

Being a millennial is crazy amazing. What a wonderful time to be in our world!!! We are in a generation that truly believes they can change the world who are challenging norms and are go-getters!

But I pray that we can also see the potential negatives of having children born into this generation and strive more than ever to have TRUE, REAL, connection. Not that connection can’t happen over a phone or computer, but there is nothing that beats a meaningful hug, a spoken encouraging word, or just a real, caring, honest conversation.

Yes, it makes my day when I get a sweet text or Facebook comment. But the ones I remember the most are those ones spoken in person. The hugs. The genuine conversations.

I wish I could speak all of my blog posts. I wish I could let you all see these miracle babies and hear my heart in person. Thankful we have something called the World Wide Web :), where we can reach thousands- millions at once!

Let us not let that hurt us, but spur us on to closer relationships beyond texting and emoticons, and bitmoji (As my sister introduced me to that she is probably wishing she wouldn’t have…;)

Sorry for my millennial rant. This was all started by a simple survivor episode and a deep episode commentary by Aly and Jessica. I’m telling you, we’re good. #alyandjessicaforsurvivorcommentators

And if you don’t get hashtags, that is another way to tell that you are in Generation X. Sorry, I had to say it!

Thank you all for continuing to follow our crazy, beautiful life and know that our relationships go far beyond these posts. You have literally prayed my family into being.

Grateful,

Aly