Why Adopting Isn’t Much Different Than Birthing a Biological Child, and Why It Is Altogether Completely Different…

I really find it amazing how God is allowing me to experience the miracle of pregnancy along with the miracle of adoption. Some of my favorite conversations have been with parents who have both biological children and children that have been adopted. I love hearing their thoughts, as they have a super unique perspective.

These are some comments I normally hear from parents who have been blessed with children by adoption or biologically:

“They are all so different.” or

“The children we adopted are more like us than our biological children!” or

“Adopting a child is completely different than giving birth to a biological child.” or

“I often forget my child is adopted.”

“I love all of my children equally.”

And the list goes on and on.

Before we had Genevieve, I was of course worried about many things that I thought were pertinent to adoption. Some of these thoughts were:

“Would she bond to me?”

“Would the connection be instantaneous?”

“Will she look like me?”

“Will she feel like mine?”

“Will she know I’m her mom?”

Now I know all adoption situations are different. I know that if one adopts a child at an older age or fosters a child and then adopts them, that process is VERY different than having a child biologically. So, please know I am speaking of my experience and others who have gone through domestic adoption from infancy.

I also have concerns about this pregnancy.

Here are the concerns I have with this baby I am carrying in my womb:

“Will she bond with me?”

“Will the connection be instantaneous?”

“Will she look like me?”

“Will she feel like mine?”

“Will she know I’m her mom?”

Did you notice what just happened?!?! Those are the EXACT same questions!

I had a fellow mom blessed by adoption tell me something once we were matching with the birth mom that made me cry that day and sticks with me today. She had a daughter biologically and then a few years later had a daughter through adoption.

She looked at me and said,

“Aly, there will be times you will look at Genevieve and wonder if you are calming her. You will wonder if she knows you are her mom. You will wonder if she likes you. You will wonder if she resents you. You will wonder if she’s mad at you. She may not even feel like yours.”

She then explained that she felt ALL of these things with her first daughter who was born to her biologically. Because she felt those feelings with her first daughter before the adoption of her second, she was able to know that those worries are not necessarily adoption related OR pregnancy related.

THEY ARE PART OF BEING A MOMMY!

Many first-time moms I have talked to and counseled have struggled with all of those feelings, and most of them do not have children through adoption.

So, while I realize that adoption is COMPLETELY different than carrying a baby through pregnancy, it isn’t that much different in many ways.

Yes, with adoption you have no control over pre-natal care.

Yes, adoption typically costs thousands of dollars.

Yes, with adoption a child carries a different set of DNA.

Yes, with adoption a child may look differently than you.

Yes, with adoption there can be many issues of attachment and anxiety depending on each individual situation.

I am not naive to that.

All I am saying is that God is teaching me so much through this pregnancy that those worries and thoughts are more a part of motherhood than they are being a mom through adoption or pregnancy.

So, if you are having those worries today—whether you are pregnant, wanting to get pregnant, a mom blessed by adoption, a mom waiting to adopt, if you are suffering from post-pardum depression, or just wondering if you are crazy—

YOU ARE NOT!

Here is your unofficial, official diagnosis.

MOTHERHOOD.

It’s called being a mom. And from what I hear, those thoughts and worries continue until—-

forever.

With Jesus, those worries can transform into care and concern as we learn to love our children individually with a fierce kind of love that is the closest to Jesus’ love that they will ever experience on this earth.

We moms are powerful.

Your love is powerful.

I love the mom life,

Aly