The Small Conversation That Changed My Marriage

And It Can Change Your Christmas

There was a conversation Josh and I had about 5 years ago now. It was a conversation that as I look back at our maturation as a couple (although we fall sooooo short in so many areas), I look back on it and just thank the Lord for this conversation we had.

It was simple.

It kind of stung.

It changed us.

It needed to be had, and I hope it encourages you to look at what you and your spouse talk about, as well as what you spend your time talking to others about.

We were driving home from an event with people we love, and what did we do?

To make a long story short, we talked about people.

And it wasn’t a typical gossip conversation like: “Oh my gosh! Did you see her hair?” or “Wow- he was such a jerk!”

It was a much more “pretty” version.

It looked more like (these are not the actual conversations–just giving examples):

“Was he acting weird to you? He always seems weird when she’s around.”

“Man, it so hard to talk to him. He seems so standoffish.”

“She literally was on her phone the entire time she was at the party.”

These don’t sound that bad, right?

And maybe these examples aren’t really “gossip”, and more of a conversation “matter-of fact”, but as we were talking, I remember stopping us, and me saying, “Josh do you realize we are just talking about people? We leave events and spend the car drive home talking about people.”

Instead of getting defensive (as he knew I was talking to the both of us- not just him), he agreed.

We made a decision right then and there that we were only going to say good things about people, unless something really needed to be addressed.

Now, before you think we were being extreme (we kind of were), but we of course would discuss serious things and if we were concerned about someone, and if something needed to be addressed with a friend or family member, we wouldn’t overlook it… but we would make a concerted effort to not just talk about people.

The difference it made in our marriage was astounding.

The difference it made in our personal lives was amazing.

We started looking at the GOOD in others more than ever before and really strove to say positive things about people after we left being with other people.

I know this may seem elementary, but think about what you talk about with your spouse, friends, and family members after being with other people, and I think you can quickly understand what I am saying.

We fall back into the “talking about others” merry go round still….but so much more infrequently. We have gotten good about calling each other out on it, and not getting defensive when we do.

I have alwayed love the saying “The grass is greener where you water it.”

That quote is often used when people are comparing themselves to others, but I think it applies here too.

What you focus on GROWS.

Challenging you to focus on the GOOD this Christmas and see the amazing things in your friends and relatives.

A LOT less criticism.

A LOT more encouragement.

You’ll find yourself A LOT happier.

Challenge yourself this Christmas to notice the good in every person.

YES! Talk about them on the way home.

Talk about all of the good things.

Talking negatively does nothing but build negativity! I don’t know about you, but I do not need negativity in my life- especially the kind I have the power to not create!

Let’s do this together.

Noticing the GOOD,


“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29