Whoa, I did it!!!!!!
If you follow us, you know I cut my hair. 12 INCHES!!!!!!! I was so proud of myself. It was actually kind of freeing to just do it and realize that I don’t have to be as tied to my hair as I have been, and I really do like it. I definitely miss the ease of throwing it up in a messy bun, but it has been fun.
Yes, I cried. Josh cried. My sweet friend and hairstylist, Erin cried. But they were happy tears that I was at this place to voluntarily cut my hair and bless someone else in need, but I did it!
And I danced. In front of like a million people (okay not quite, but it felt like that!)
If you follow me on social media, you saw that I WON!
Seriously that was the word that kept coming out of my mouth. As I watched the video back of when they announced the winner, I kept saying, “What??” and “Oh my gosh!”
Right before they announced the winner I looked over to one of the contestants and now friend and said, “Okay girl, this is you!” She is an incredible dancer with lots of dance experience, and I just knew they were about to call her name, so when I heard my own, I was floored and in shock!
I was literally holding back tears, and I kept saying to myself, “You CANNOT cry over this!” People would think “Why is she crying over winning Dancing with the Louisiana Stars?”
But, there are just so many emotions behind it.
Several years ago, I went through a deep, dark place in my life. If you have ever experienced depression, you know what I am talking about. It was a few years after my cancer diagnosis and I lived for months paralyzed by fear. It was difficult to get out of bed. It was difficult to have friends. It was difficult to find the joy in life.
And if you know me now, or if you knew me pre-cancer, you would NEVER think I would be one to go through depression. I have always loved life and have always seen the glass “half-full.”
But in this dark place in my life, I had believed lies that I would never enjoy life again. I believed I would never truly smile again. I believed I couldn’t enjoy things “normal” people could because I had this big word “cancer” hanging over my head, and I was living in fear of it rearing its ugly head again. Thinking like this literally paralyzed me at times where I just literally did not want to face the day.
Through much prayer, guidance, kicks in the butt, and supernatural revelation from Jesus, I was brought out of that place of fear and given hope that I could enjoy life again and that when people saw me, they would just see me, and not “the girl who had cancer”.
So, to be able to dance on Friday night—with very little limitations in the dance they choreographed for me—that was a victory.
To be able to genuinely have fun and not have these fears I used to struggle with- that was a victory.
To be able to dance knowing I have a husband that adores me and 3 little girls that were snuggled up in bed at home- that was a victory.
To be able to be healthy and strong- to have the stamina to dance- that was a victory.
To be able to WIN!!!??? It really was a victory!!!!!
I still can’t wrap my mind around that.
So that is where the tears were welling up from. Not that I won a competition, but just how far the Lord has brought me.
It was SO SO SO much fun. I got to know so many incredible people that I now call friends.
As many times as I questioned me chopping off my hair and dancing in front of all these people, I now am so proud of myself and am reminded that I am living- not just existing- I truly want to enjoy life and never let cancer or what it did to me steal one second of this life I have been blessed with.
Thankful, healed, and dancing (with short hair),